The Melbored Cup

It's Melbourne Cup day, and I am overwhelmed by apathy at the occassion. Couldn't care less who wins the thing, but if She's Archie could come either first or last, I'll come out ahead in the Cup sweep at work.

Predictions on the race itself abound, often from people who actually know something about it as well as crackpot psychics who don't (and watch out in the Herald Sun for plenty of useless celebrity tips), but here is an alternative set of predictions for the day:

- Bruce McAvaney will be in a state of delirium for all six hours of the race day.
- Bart Cummings will fail to crack a smile all day
- Gai Waterhouse will have a botoxed permanent smile all day
- The horse leading 1000 metres in won't have a hope in hell of winning
- Some idiot will wear a tuxedo and a pair of boxer shorts. Said idiot will feature in numerous 'colour pieces' in the evening news
- Bookies will make a killing with all the first-time punters on the course
- Z-Grade celebrities will abound in the Birdcage
- It will rain

And to capture the true spirit of the Melbourne Cup carnival, a quick snippet from last year's excitement:

Wondering where Paris & Nicky Hilton had disappeared to on Melbourne Cup day, I like the quote overheard from Seven boss, David Leckie, "We paid top dollar for those bitches, now where are they?!?"

Comments

Anonymous said…
(bl)Oakes day. That's gold.

Ari - as one of your little friends who's known for gambling (and normally, known for taking Melbourne Cup week off and going to some nice country race tracks to get sozzled), I'll give you my two cents worth, half an hour out from start time and too late to bet on it.

Upsetthym. Number 20.

If not, I'd best stick to the booze. However, if She's Archie wins, I'll not be happy.

Tk
2 November 2004 at 14:44
Anonymous said…
Pretty close to the mark on most of it there, old son... however I can assure you the bookies hate the one-time punters... too often they hit on a sentimental favourite and everyone goes the tonk, only to have the little bitch come through and win!

Totes, on the other hand, love it, cos they get to give our starting price, so when the above horse gets bet on they bring the price back for everyone. Yes, totes do love Cup Day, but not so much the bookies!

I've been home madly renovating all day and I was trying to work out whether to go with Cate's premonition that 5 would be involved in the victory and deciding the smart mone was in the pocket!

Pete
2 November 2004 at 16:58
Anonymous said…
Looks like we both made bad calls there Pete. 5 it was.

Thank god for the office sweep.

Tk
2 November 2004 at 22:48
Umm said…
What's with the apathy? On Tuesday, watching people walk by who were dressed up and excited about the race, I suddenly understood how some people must feel on election day. It's odd, i've always been excited about the Cup, the sweep, the BBQ or lunch-thang - but none of it happened this year. In fact, I didn't even catch the race. I was appalled by my lack of excitement on Tuesday, but now I wonder if the apathy was wiespread...
3 November 2004 at 18:38
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